im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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