My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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