The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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