its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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