If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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