So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
