Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They took my balls.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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