Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
