a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
