After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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