Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
