I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we're so committed to being not committed
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