don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
