Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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