and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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