Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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