I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
