dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
