Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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