The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
