Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
