she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
