I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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