my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
