I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
