Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
