why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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