My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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