in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
