I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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