can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
