I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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