I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
