why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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