No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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