***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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