I want you more than these girls want KFC
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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