He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
