Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
