She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
