When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The air was thick with penises
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How naked do you want me to be?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize