Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
