don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
