There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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