thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize