I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
