I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
