11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
