sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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