I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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