they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
