He is an equal opportunity slut.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
