And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
