i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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