Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
