I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
