Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
