Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
