we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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