it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
