just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
