I'm really into asian looking animals
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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