Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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