i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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