We're facebook friends in real life
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
