Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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