a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
