Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
