at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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